5% of statistics are made up. Like this one

“Soup is just a way of screwing you out of a meal.” — Jay Leno

How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She fits into your wife’s clothes

Don’t interrupt someone working intently on a puzzle. Chances are, you’ll hear some crosswords.

Never laugh at your wife’s choices, you are one of them.

This is the exact kind of couple post that single me would have rolled my eyes at.

People say it is hard to find friends, just because best one is with me.

I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches, but then I realized it would be a waste of time.

I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches, but then I realized it would be a waist of time

“Friendship is about finding people who are your kind of crazy.“Most of us don’t need a psychiatric therapist as much as a friend to be silly with.” – Robert Brault

These two make such a gouda couple. Now, point me in the direction of the charcuterie plate.

I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

When it comes to work, change is inevitable, except for the vending machine.

If you are a Christmas tree growing next to a Santa tree, does this somehow change the taste of both fruits? Would you get a selfie

Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it’s quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid. – Rita Rudner

I guess now is a bad time to say I’m not looking for anything serious?

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.