A husband is someone who after taking the trash out gives the impression he’s cleaned the whole house!

The reason women will never be the ones to propose is that as soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping. Men will be men.

Just saw the most smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.

“Time made me stronger, you’re no longer on my mind” ― Boyz II Men

Stop waiting for your prince in a white horse. Go and find him. The poor bastard might be lost, stuck on an island, or something.

The four most important words in any marriage, “I’ll do the dishes.”

Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s the filter.

Tell ’em to go out there with all they got and win just one for the Gipper.

I’d tell a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.

“You’re putting the pussy on a pedestal.” – The 40-Year-Old Virgin

You cannot control whom your heart falls in love with, but it’s funny because you can decide whom to date.

“The reason why people give up so fast is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, instead of how far they have come.” – Nicky Gumbel

Lifehack #321: Keep cake fresh by eating it in one sitting.

Sometimes I have to tell myself it’s not worth the jail time.

The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money.

Be a flat in a room full of stilettos

“Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.” – Will Rogers

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.