A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.

If we're not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?

I don’t want to be in a relationship, also I would rather be in a Range Rover.

“Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

I’m always in a better place with you. Thanks for cleaning up.

When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.

I don’t need a hairstylist. My pillow gives me a new style of hair every morning!

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Hi Honey, I’m just calling to let you know I did nothing today. Nope, not even dinner. Ok, byeee!

If we learn from our mistakes, shouldn’t I try to make as many mistakes as possible?

I hate when people see me at the supermarket and they are all like “Hey, what are you doing here?” And I’m just like, “Oh, you know hunting elephants.”

“Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us.” – Stephen Colbert

Marriage is basically just whispering, “Are you awake? I need to show you this cat video.”

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If it does not, hunt it down & kill it.

Some days I amaze myself. Today is not one of those days.

We are born naked, hungry, and wet. Then things just get worse.

We’re going to make a cute old couple. At least I hope so because we’re not looking too great right now.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.