An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christie

You know that feeling when the really cute girl walks by in the mall, and you smile, try to be smooth, and take a drink of tea, and run the straw up your nose?

I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!

Worrying about your followers, you need to get yo ur dollars up.

I know you’re a man so you have to do the whole “It’s nothing,” thing… but I really wish you’d share your feelings so I could invalidate them.

“Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.” – Samuel Johnson

You can tell how much someone likes you by the number of times they show up in your selfies.

Anything that could possibly go wrong often does – as well as a thing or two that couldn’t possibly.

Happy birthday. May your Facebook be filled with messages from people you never talk to.

We just promise to put up with each other’s annoying habits forever.

“Shopping is better than sex. At least if you’re not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like.” – Adrienne Gusoff

“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.” – Rodney Dangerfield

Best friends: Ready to die for each other, but will fight to the death over the last slice of pizza.

“Hair blowing in the wind, losing track of time, just you and I.” — Demi Lovato, “Made in the USA”

“Don’t you find it a little bit (of a) coincidence that the body fell perfectly within the chalk outline on the floor?”

I’d tell a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.

Never put off till tomorrow what may be done the day after tomorrow just as well

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.