Anyone who says their wedding day was the best day of their life, has never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine.

There are easier things in life than trying to find a nice guy…like nailing jelly to a tree for example.

Don’t worry about getting older. You still get to do stupid things, only slower.

I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

Stop worrying about the world ending today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.

We need to draw the line on unethical behavior. But let’s draw it with an Etch-a-Sketch and don’t be afraid to shake it a little.

Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better

“You can practice shooting 8 hours a day, but if your technique is wrong, then all you become is very good at shooting the wrong way.” – Michael Jordan

Anything that could possibly go wrong often does – as well as a thing or two that couldn’t possibly.

You could not handle me. Even if I would come with instructions!

I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches, but then I realized it would be a waist of time

When I was a baby, an evil fairy cursed me with expensive taste and no money.

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

Feeling like a boss, and staring at the stars, it doesn’t matter the cost, ’cause everybody wants to be famous. — Everybody Wants to Be Famous by Superorganism

Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.

“I go to the gym because clearly my amazing personality deserves a body to go with it.”

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.