Dear God, there is a bug in your week Software. it’s called Monday, please fix it.

“Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.” – David Sedaris

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

Those who think it is not cool to be kind are cold-hearted

Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software… it’s called Monday, please fix it.

“My wife, Mary, and I have been married for forty-seven years, and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce. Murder, yes, but divorce, never.” – Jack Benny

Marriage is about finding what irritates your spouse and using it strategically.

If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything.

You can tell how much someone likes you by the number of times they show up in your selfies.

I guess now is a bad time to say I’m not looking for anything serious?

Your Kik status says Kik Login Online, if you’re online then why aren’t you texting me.

What if the princess wants to be with Bowser but Mario keeps kidnapping her.

I don’t mind coming to work, it’s the 8-hour wait to go home I can’t stand.

When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of an emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”.

“Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.” – Cathy Carlyle

“Friendship is about finding people who are your kind of crazy.“Most of us don’t need a psychiatric therapist as much as a friend to be silly with.” – Robert Brault

There’ll be parties for hosting, cocktails for toasting, and caroling sung way out of key.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.