Did you say pancakes?!My bed is a magical place. As soon as I jump into it, it reminds me of all the things I haven’t yet completed.

How to please a woman: Love her. Die for her. Take her to dinner. Miss the game for her. Buy her jewelry. Be interested in what she has to say.
How to please a man: Show up naked. Bring beer.

How to please a man: Show up naked. Bring beer.

We are born naked, hungry, and wet. Then things just get worse.

You couldn’t handle me. Even if I would come with instructions!

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful.

‘You all worked really hard this year, I’m giving you all a check for $2,000. If you work the same next year, I’ll sign them’.

Congrats on making it o-fish-ial. Now, there are two less fish in the sea.

I couldn’t afford to take kids to the sea world so I took them to the fish market and said, ” Shh… They’re sleeping.”

Ask me again how wedding planning is going, I will beat you to death with my guest list.

“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben

“I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.” – Benjamin Franklin

I am so open-minded, my brains will fall out some day.

I thought I was indecisive while choosing this photo but now I’m not so sure.

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

I hope one day I will love something the way women in commercials love yogurt.

“And I’m a bad boy ’cause I don’t even miss her. I’m a bad boy for breakin her heart”
― Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.