Do you want to make money from Facebook? It’s easy. Just go to your Account Setting, Deactivate your account, and go to work.

“It seemed like a good idea at the time. I have terrible judgment.”

I don’t mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.

We need to draw the line on unethical behavior. But let’s draw it with an Etch-a-Sketch and don’t be afraid to shake it a little.

I stopped fighting my inner demons. We’re on the same side now.

Listening to a wife is like reading the terms and conditions of a website. You understand nothing, but still, you say: “I agree.”

While creating men, God promised women that a good and ideal man would be found in all corners of the world, then He made the earth round.

I love you so much. Except when you snore and then I just want to punch you in the face.

I put my best foot forward, then my worst foot after that, then my best foot again.

I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.

During the day I didn’t believe in ghosts. At night I become a bit more open-minded.

“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.” – George Burns

I have let some blind guy borrow money the other day. He said he was gonna pay me back the next time he’ll see me.

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times, you know, just to be sure

“We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about.” – Best in Show

A good place to put inspirational quotes is up to your ass.

I’ve forgotten a lot of things in life. A meal has never been one of them.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.