Don’t know where the kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they’ll show up quickly.

Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But that gets boring really fast. So I go back to being normal!

“My father taught me a good lesson: Don’t get too low when things go wrong. And don’t get too high when things are good.” – Robert Perish

I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful.

How do you call a pig that does karate? Pork Chop

“Don’t you find it a little bit (of a) coincidence that the body fell perfectly within the chalk outline on the floor?”

“There are two sources of unhappiness in life. One is not getting what you want and the other is getting it.” – Cassey Stolrich

“Parents are not interested in justice, they’re interested in peace and quiet.” –  Bill Cosby

 Never let anyone treat you like a yellow Starburst. You're a pink Starburst.

I eat cake because it's somebody's birthday somewhere.

This is the exact kind of couple post that single me would have rolled my eyes at.

“The funny thing is, the people who work really hard, they work really hard so they can sit on their ass – they just want to sit on their ass in nicer surroundings.” – Karl Pilkington

Based on the amount of laundry, I’m going to assume that there are people living here I’ve never seen.

It’s like no one in my family appreciates that I stayed up all night overthinking for them.

I’ve never been cool and I don’t really care about being cool. It’s just an awful lot of time and hair gel wasted

There are three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere: “Hold my purse.”

“Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s needs, but not every man’s greed.” – Gandhi

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.