Every 60 seconds, there’s a b-tch posting a positive message that she doesn’t live by.

“If a man empties his purse into his head, no one can take it from him. An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.” – Benjamin Franklin

The hardest thing being single is finding a reason to shower.

“If you reach for a star, you might not get one. But you won’t come up with a hand full of mud either.” – Leo Burnett

“I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.” – Winston Churchill

If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.

If human beings originated from monkeys, why do men act like dogs???

“Just when I think you couldn’t possibly be any dumber, you go and do somethin’ like this — and totally redeem yourself! Ha Ha!” – Dumb & Dumber

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

The ideal man doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t swear, doesn’t get angry, doesn’t exist.

The fridge is a clear example that what matters is on the inside.

The only F word out a woman’s mouth that scares me is “fine.”

Husbands are the best people to share a secret with. They’ll never tell anyone because they aren’t even listening.

I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!

Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.

I don’t need a hairstylist. My pillow gives me a new style of hair every morning!

“People who are wrapped up in themselves make small packages.” – Benjamin Franklin

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.