Every time I say “no”, my kids hears, “ask again, she didn’t understand the question.”

Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

I could never in a hundred summers get tired of this. – Susan Branch

“My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.” — Joan Rivers

Got a new phone today, my old phone failed the swimming test.

Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose

A man yells t his wife:
“Pack your bags, honey, I just won the lottery.” “Oh wonderful!”, she says. “Should I pack for the beach or the mountains?”. The husband replies, “I don’t care, just get out!”

I Live And I Learn But I Wait My Turn. I’m Always On The Run, Got Weight To Burn.

“The reason why people give up so fast is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, instead of how far they have come.” – Nicky Gumbel

Need a friend? Text me. Need a laugh? Call me. Need money? This number is no longer in service.

“There are two sources of unhappiness in life. One is not getting what you want and the other is getting it.” – Cassey Stolrich

Going to bed early. Not going to a party. Not leaving my house. My childhood punishments have become my adult goals.

Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me. Then I remember, oh, I put up with you, too. So we’re even.

Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee and then after that still please don’t talk to me.

It’s hard being the brain and the looks in the relationship, but I always pull through.

Marriage is 5% love, 5% compromise, and 90% knowing when you’ve already lost an argument and just folding the laundry for once, Ted.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.