Good thing I brought my library card because I’m totally checking you out.

Seeing a spider in my room isn’t scary. It’s scary when it disappears.

“I think I’m getting sick.” The most dreaded words a wife can hear from her husband.

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

Dear MATH, stop asking to find your X, she’s not coming back.

BRB = I don’t want to talk to you. LOL = I have nothing else to say. Cool = I don’t care.

When your happiness is less important than the other person’s happiness, my friend you are in love.

“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.” – Hussein Nishah

There’s no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.

I’m returning your nose dear, I found it in my business.

I’d tell a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.

When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.

“My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.” — Joan Rivers

Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories.

Dear God, there is a bug in your week Software. it’s called Monday, please fix it.

Insecurities can make even the smartest and most beautiful person foolishly question themselves despite how amazing they truly are.

My children have my husband’s eyes. They can’t see what’s right in front of them either.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.