Grateful they’re is okay being seen in public with me.

Why are wives more dangerous than the Mafia? The mafia wants either your money or life, wives wants both.

“The truth can be funny but it’s not funny to cover up the truth. Ryan Cooper, Difficult PeopleThe truth can be funny but it’s not funny to cover up the truth.” – Ryan Cooper, Difficult People

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

Yesterday I really wanted tacos. Now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams

Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories.

A man says a lot of things in summer he doesn’t mean in winter. – Patricia Briggs

A human being without a friend is like a tree in a desert.

If you can't remember my name, just say, 'chocolate' and I'll turn around.

I eat cake because it's somebody's birthday somewhere.

“Happen to things, don’t let things happen to you.” – Stephen Covey

“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” – Erma Bombeck

It’s been an emotional day. Even the cake is in tiers.

No point in holding onto what’s broken, so let’s live in the moment. When one door closes, another one opens. Stop trying to control it and start living in the moment

The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.

See the bowtie? I wear it and I don’t care. That’s why it’s cool

“Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings.” – David Sedaris

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.