Husbands are like wine. They take a long time to mature.

Some days I amaze myself. Other days I put my keys in the fridge.

What did one ornament say to another? ‘I like hanging with you.’

If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.

“In my house, I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision-maker.” – Woody Allen

Behind every great woman is an even better friend to approve her selfies.

If we learn from our mistakes, shouldn’t I try to make as many mistakes as possible?

“Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.” – Margaret Thatcher

Every 60 seconds, there’s a b-tch posting a positive message that she doesn’t live by.

My husband thinks I am (just a little bit) crazy. But I am not the one who married me.

“Friendship is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warm feeling inside.” – Robert Bloch

Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?

You don’t have to make something that people call art. Living is an artistic activity, there is an art to getting through the day

Your Kik status says Kik Login Online, if you’re online then why aren’t you texting me.

Money laundering? I wouldn’t even know what soap to use.

The ideal man goes home early, doesn’t flirt, doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t gamble, and doesn’t exist.

Marriage is basically just whispering, “Are you awake? I need to show you this cat video.”

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.