I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose

“Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell, the name will carry.” –  Bill Cosby

“Just when I think you couldn’t possibly be any dumber, you go and do somethin’ like this — and totally redeem yourself! Ha Ha!” – Dumb & Dumber

“Send in the rescue dogs (preferably the ones with kegs around their necks).”

How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She fits into your wife’s clothes

“I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.” – Winston Churchill

You laugh. I laugh. You cry. I cry. You jump off a really tall cliff. I yell, “Do a flip!”

I`m jealous of my parents, I’ll never have a kid as cool as theirs.

Going to bed early. Not going to a party. Not leaving my house. My childhood punishments have become my adult goals.

Newton’s law of love: Love can neither be created nor be destroyed. Only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another with some loss of money.

“Build on what makes you different from your competition. . . You need to be the red tree in the forest.” – Nick Maley

I have everything in my purse you could possibly imagine except money.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

A man yells t his wife:
“Pack your bags, honey, I just won the lottery.” “Oh wonderful!”, she says. “Should I pack for the beach or the mountains?”. The husband replies, “I don’t care, just get out!”

People say go big or go home like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah, I want to go home, and I’ll have a nap when I get there

Tell me how I have upset you because I want to know how to do it again.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.