“I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell – you see, I have friends in both places.” – Mark Twain

I’m actually not funny, I am just mean and people think I’m funny!

My hubby may wear the pants in our family but I control the zipper.

Sometimes I have to tell myself it’s not worth the jail time.

“Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

I am not feeling lazy actually. Actually, I am just incredibly motivated to do nothing.

You couldn’t handle me. Even if I would come with instructions!

“You had my curiosity. But now you have my attention.” – Django Unchained

I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

“I just finished squats—and didn’t toot once!”

It’s so beautifully arranged on the plate – you know someone’s fingers have been all over it.

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

Got a new phone today, my old phone failed the swimming test.

Hi Honey, I’m just calling to let you know I did nothing today. Nope, not even dinner. Ok, byeee!

A best friend is like a four-leaf clover: hard to find and lucky to have.

“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.