“I go to the gym because clearly my amazing personality deserves a body to go with it.”

Dear Lord… please give me some patience NOW…NOW…NOW….

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example

“And I’m a bad boy ’cause I don’t even miss her. I’m a bad boy for breakin her heart”
― Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers

Note: The key to a good relationship is the key. Give me back the key.

I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soulmate … but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.

“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.” – Hussein Nishah

“An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christie

Your drama does not pay my bills therefore it is not worth my time.

“Are you green and growing or ripe and rotting?” -Ray Kroc

That moment when you have to leave the clothes you just bought in the trunk of the car because your husband is home.

Marriage is 5% love, 5% compromise, and 90% knowing when you’ve already lost an argument and just folding the laundry for once, Ted.

If I ever let my head down, it will be just to admire my shoes.

I knew it was meant to be when I loved you even when I was hungry.

It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.

I know I'm a handful, but that's why you've got two hands.

The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.