I guess now is a bad time to say I’m not looking for anything serious?

I know the voices in my head aren’t real… but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!

Why are wives more dangerous than the Mafia? The mafia wants either your money or life, wives wants both.

I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!

You’re only as good as your last haircut.

All I ask is a chance to prove money can’t make me happy.

When your ex texts you after months, “Hey, what’s up?”. Not today Satan, not today.

“For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.” – Catherine Zeta-Jones

“If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools.” – Katherine Mansfield

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Gonna party like it's my birthday... oh wait, it is!

“If you are the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room.” -Confucius

I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christie

“Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.” – Erma Bombeck

“I rob banks because that’s where the money is.” – Willie Sutton

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.