I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror

There’ll be parties for hosting, cocktails for toasting, and caroling sung way out of key.

“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben

“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” – Steven Wright

“Just when I think you couldn’t possibly be any dumber, you go and do somethin’ like this — and totally redeem yourself! Ha Ha!” – Dumb & Dumber

I drink to make other people more interesting.

“For a guy with a four-digit IQ, I must have missed something.” – Limitless

Whoever thinks money doesn’t bring happiness, transfer it over to my account.

It’s been an emotional day. Even the cake is in tiers.

“How do I get out of this glass prison? Won’t someone help me? Please?!”

Chin up darling, your tiara’s falling. It’s your birthday!

“‘Greater good?’ I am your wife! I’m the greatest good you’re ever gonna get!” – The Incredibles

I look at people sometimes and think ….. Really?? That’s the sperm that won.

I knew it was meant to be when I loved you even when I was hungry.

“Put some Windex on it.” – My Big Fat Greek Wedding

They say women speak 20,000 words a day. I have a daughter who gets that done by breakfast.

“Friendship is about finding people who are your kind of crazy.“Most of us don’t need a psychiatric therapist as much as a friend to be silly with.” – Robert Brault

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.