I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soulmate … but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.

Marriage consists of a person who remembers everything and a person who doesn’t remember anything at all.

There are 100 billion nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them

“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell

You lost your phone and it’s on silent? Too bad, if you liked it, you should have put a ring on it.

If at first you don’t succeed, maybe skydiving isn’t your sport.

If you listen carefully then the earth has a lot of music for you in store.

“If you wish to get rich, save what you get. A fool can earn money, but it takes a wise man to save and dispose of it to his own advantage.” – Brigham Young

Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.

I may look calm, but in my mind, I have killed you three times.

Brains are awesome. I wish everybody had one.

I love to play hide and seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can’t find me until after high school.

Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.

“It is difficult, but not impossible, to conduct strictly honest business.” – Mahatma Gandhi

When I was little, I didn’t care about things like what to wear, my parents dressed me. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it’s obvious that my parents didn’t care either.

Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.

Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.