I love Instagram because it allows me to maintain a record of my every meal.

A little bit of a summer is what the whole year is all about. – John Mayer

Worrying about your followers, you need to get yo ur dollars up.

“Things worth having are worth waiting for.” – Me, preheating the oven.
Diet tip: Don’t.

There’s a guy at my office that we all make fun of because he’s clueless. Today I found out it’s me.

A wedding isn’t about a bride and groom. It’s about the party.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

That annoying moment when you finally get comfortable in bed, but then BAM, you have to pee.

When someone is murdered, the police investigate the spouse first. That tells you everything you need to know about marriage.

“Hair blowing in the wind, losing track of time, just you and I.” — Demi Lovato, “Made in the USA”

I don’t want to be in a relationship, also I would rather be in a Range Rover.

You’ll lose a lot of money chasing women but you’ll never lose women chasing money.

How to please a woman: Love her. Die for her. Take her to dinner. Miss the game for her. Buy her jewelry. Be interested in what she has to say.
How to please a man: Show up naked. Bring beer.

How to please a man: Show up naked. Bring beer.

A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

I look at people sometimes and think ….. Really?? That’s the sperm that won.

Started not to give a stopped fearing the consequence.

How do people write an autobiography? I can barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.