I love you so much. Except when you snore and then I just want to punch you in the face.

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay. Here are a coffee and a million dollars.”

“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner

I can’t clean my room because I get distracted by the cool stuff I find!

If you can't remember my name, just say, 'chocolate' and I'll turn around.

I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco

What does Charles Dickens keep in this spice rack? The best of Thymes, and the worst of Thymes.

Some days my kids can do no wrong. Other days I understand why some animals eat their young.

He gave a great 10-minute business speech yesterday. The only problem was it took him an hour to deliver it.

What do you call a thieving alligator? A Crocodile

I was thinking of you and feeling fortunate that life brought us together and made “BEST FRIENDS”.

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

What did one ornament say to another? ‘I like hanging with you.’

Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies.

I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.

Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.

My relationship status? Netflix, Oreos, and sweatpants.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.