I may look calm, but in my mind, I have killed you three times.

My friend thinks he’s smart. He said onions are the only food that makes you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face

What’s the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant? About 5000 miles.

“If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says keep away from children.” –  Susan Savannah

I Live And I Learn But I Wait My Turn. I’m Always On The Run, Got Weight To Burn.

“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it? – Jean Illsley Clarke

“Drunk people, children, and leggings: They don’t lie. Neither does this picture.”

You lost your phone and it’s on silent? Too bad, if you liked it, you should have put a ring on it.

Hey girl, I like the way we finish each others, sandwiches.

I’m returning your nose dear, I found it in my business.

“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.” – H. Jackson Brown

What if the princess wants to be with Bowser but Mario keeps kidnapping her.

If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.

There are three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere: “Hold my purse.”

“They say good things come to those who wait, so imma be at least an hour late.” —Kanye West, “Start It Up”

I haven’t posted a selfie in a while but I still am very cute just to keep you updated.

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.