“I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” – Les Dawson

The ideal man doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t swear, doesn’t get angry, doesn’t exist.

A wedding isn’t about a bride and groom. It’s about the party.

I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is two weeks.

Wife: You told me you’d spend your whole life trying to make me happy.
Husband: I didn’t expect to live this long.

I walk around like everything is fine. But deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

A good friend is there to bail you out of jail. A best friend is sitting next to you in the cell.

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe. – Rita Rudner

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

I will do anything for love. Except that. And that. Or that. Or...

That annoying moment when you finally get comfortable in bed, but then BAM, you have to pee.

I knew I had to make you mine when you laughed at my jokes.

The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money.

One of the few people on Instagram who doesn’t claim to be a social media guru.

“The more money you make the more problems you get.” – Christopher George Latore Wallace

“Would you destroy Something perfect in order to make it beautiful?” ― Gerard Way

If at first you don’t succeed, maybe skydiving isn’t your sport.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.