“I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” – Les Dawson

I have let some blind guy borrow money the other day. He said he was gonna pay me back the next time he’ll see me.

Mirror: you look amazing today. Camera: No, you don’t.

The hardest thing being single is finding a reason to shower.

Being married is like having a best friend who doesn’t remember anything you say.

Bikini season is right around the corner. Unfortunately, so is the pizza place.

Love is spending the rest of your life with someone you want to kill and not doing it because you’d miss them.

Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract!

I always tell new hires, don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you.

‘You all worked really hard this year, I’m giving you all a check for $2,000. If you work the same next year, I’ll sign them’.

Dear Lord… please give me some patience NOW…NOW…NOW….

“Friendship is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warm feeling inside.” – Robert Bloch

You know she is your best friend when she helps you plan your non-existent wedding.

“The funny thing is, the people who work really hard, they work really hard so they can sit on their ass – they just want to sit on their ass in nicer surroundings.” – Karl Pilkington

I’m a guy. Since when do we get anything right the first time? – Will Smith

BRB = I don’t want to talk to you. LOL = I have nothing else to say. Cool = I don’t care.

A preview of my life. This is not the whole movie. P.S.: if you wanna get behind the scenes just head to my stories.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.