I walk around like everything is fine. But deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

“I’m now making a Jewish porno film. Ten percent sex, 90 percent guilt.” – Henny Youngman

Love is spending the rest of your life with someone you want to kill and not doing it because you’d miss them.

Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times, you know, just to be sure

“I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me?” – Meet the Parents

Marriage is where one person is always right and the other is the husband.

I like rumors. I find out so much about me that I didn’t even know.

Victoria’s Secret models, we're comin’ for your careers.

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

Boys will be boys as long as there are no girls in the picture.

Just one more cookie. Just one more minute. Just one more episode – Lies I tell myself.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

“Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.” – Will Rogers

Thank you for sharing your big day with me, and a special thank you to the cake you’re serving

You cannot control whom your heart falls in love with, but it’s funny because you can decide whom to date.

I am not feeling lazy actually. Actually, I am just incredibly motivated to do nothing.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.