I was addicted to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around.

There’s very little advice in men’s magazines because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, “I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.

“There are two sources of unhappiness in life. One is not getting what you want and the other is getting it.” – Cassey Stolrich

If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, why did it fall off in the first place?

Marriage is basically just whispering, “Are you awake? I need to show you this cat video.”

“Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” – Oscar Wilde

How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She fits into your wife’s clothes

I’m just going to relax and enjoy a quiet evening at home. Mainly because I can’t afford to go anywhere or do anything.

Good thing I brought my library card because I’m totally checking you out.

We need to draw the line on unethical behavior. But let’s draw it with an Etch-a-Sketch and don’t be afraid to shake it a little.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

“The more money you make the more problems you get.” – Christopher George Latore Wallace

The plan is to market our original product as a new product that’s as good as the original.

I guess now is a bad time to say I’m not looking for anything serious?

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

“Insanity is hereditary – you get it from your kids.” – Sam Levenson

“Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands – and then eat just one of the pieces.” – Judith Viorst

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.