“If the grass is greener on the other side it’s probably getting better care.” – Earl Nightingale

“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?” –  Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid

My biggest professional ambition is to get a desk where no one can see my computer monitor but me.

“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.” – George Burns

“No matter how close, you are always too far. My eyes are drawn everywhere you are…” ― Cora Carmack, Losing It

I’m actually not funny, I am just mean and people think I’m funny!

“It’s not a man-purse. It’s called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one.” – The Hangover

Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids mistakes.

 Never let anyone treat you like a yellow Starburst. You're a pink Starburst.

 Life status: currently holding it all together with one bobby pin.

I am actually quite a nice person. Until you piss me off!

Make the most out of tonight, and worry ‘bout it all tomorrow.

Never let your best friends get lonely. Keep annoying them.

I love you so much I’d fight a bear for you. Well, not a grizzly bear because they have claws, and not a panda bear because they know Kung Fu. But a carebear, I’d definitely fight a carebear for you.

“Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.” – George Bernard Shaw

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.