If you can’t remember my name, just say, ‘chocolate’ and I’ll turn around.

I made a huge list for today. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.

It’s funny how people judge other’s mistakes while they also do the same thing.

“If you are going through hell, keep going. Why would you stop in hell?” – Steve Harvey

I hate when people see me at the supermarket and they are all like “Hey, what are you doing here?” And I’m just like, “Oh, you know hunting elephants.”

Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.

“I rob banks because that’s where the money is.” – Willie Sutton

I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.

“I’m now making a Jewish porno film. Ten percent sex, 90 percent guilt.” – Henny Youngman

“Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.” – George Bernard Shaw

“Shopping is better than sex. At least if you’re not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like.” – Adrienne Gusoff

I’m not getting older, I’m just becoming a classic.

Every day may not be good but there’s good in every day.

In the word of Marie Antoinette, “Let them eat cake.”

If at first you don’t succeed… try doing it the way your wife told you.

“Girl, you can’t get no infection in your booty hole! It’s a booty hole!” – Girls Trip

Dear life, when I said, “Can my day get any worse?” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.