“If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says keep away from children.” – Susan Savannah

“Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s needs, but not every man’s greed.” – Gandhi

My mom – Why is everything in your room on the floor? Me – “Mom, don’t you understand concept of gravity?

What did one ornament say to another? ‘I like hanging with you.’

“When the waiter asked what I’d like, I handed the menu back and said “yes, please!”

“I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.” – Steven Wright

An onion can make people cry but there’s never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.

Dear MATH, stop asking to find your X, she’s not coming back.

“I totally knew that creepy guy was behind me. Sure I did.”

Just pretend there’s a funny caption here, like this, and we’ll never speak of it again.

“And I’m a bad boy ’cause I don’t even miss her. I’m a bad boy for breakin her heart”
― Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers

Don’t know where the kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they’ll show up quickly.

Dear God, there is a bug in your week Software. it’s called Monday, please fix it.

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.

Some people are like clouds. Hwne they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.

We just promise to put up with each other’s annoying habits forever.

I’m starting to like Instagram, which is weird because I hate pictures.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.