I`m jealous of my parents, I’ll never have a kid as cool as theirs.

” I don’t like money, actually, but it quiets my nerves.” – Joe Louis

Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me. Then I remember, oh, I put up with you, too. So we’re even.

No girl will choose six-pack over six cars so stop going to the gym and go to work.

I eat cake because it's somebody's birthday somewhere.

You’re only as good as your last haircut.

Those who think it is not cool to be kind are cold-hearted

Best friends. Because anyone else heard our conversations we’d end up in the mental hospital.

You know you’ve grown a lot as a parent when you watch your kid lick something in public and think, “Eh. He’s licked worse.”

Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six-hour argument takes talent.

The hardest thing being single is finding a reason to shower.

If you listen carefully then the earth has a lot of music for you in store.

A good place to put inspirational quotes is up to your ass.

I’m starting to like Instagram, which is weird because I hate pictures.

Worrying about your followers, you need to get yo ur dollars up.

“You know… there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time – husband.” – Bill Maher

“They say good things come to those who wait, so imma be at least an hour late.” —Kanye West, “Start It Up”

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.