“I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way (s)he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.” – Maya Angelou

Best friends. Because of anyone else heard our conversations we’d end up in the mental hospital.

I know you’re a man so you have to do the whole “It’s nothing,” thing… but I really wish you’d share your feelings so I could invalidate them.

Women fake orgasms and men fake finances. – Suze Orman

They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

When the bus driver starts driving before you even get to your seat.

if a redhead works at a bakery, does that make him a ginger bread man?

A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

I couldn’t afford to take kids to the sea world so I took them to the fish market and said, ” Shh… They’re sleeping.”

Just so we’re clear, the Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people, which is fair.

While creating men, God promised women that a good and ideal man would be found in all corners of the world, then He made the earth round.

I have to be successful because I love expensive shit.

“Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.” – Jackie Mason

My relationship status? Netflix, Oreos, and sweatpants.

I knew I had to make you mine when you laughed at my jokes.

The reason women will never be the ones to propose is that as soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping. Men will be men.

Gonna party like it's my birthday... oh wait, it is!

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.