Just pretend there’s a funny caption here, like this, and we’ll never speak of it again.

Worrying about your followers, you need to get yo ur dollars up.

“We owe a lot to Thomas Edison – if it wasn’t for him, we’d be watching television by candlelight.” – Milton Berle

When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of an emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”.

Even the most beautiful people will have at least some insecurity, whether they admit it or not.

“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner

“Oh no, my toddler got my phone, took this perfectly posed (but candid!)

When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.

Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.

When your ex texts you after months, “Hey, what’s up?”. Not today Satan, not today.

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

Don’t let anyone rent a space in your head unless they’re a good tenant.

Need a friend? Text me. Need a laugh? Call me. Need money? This number is no longer in service.

I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.

“Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.” – Margaret Thatcher

My life is a constant battle between my love for food and not wanting to get fat.

Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.