Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.” – George Burns

Sometimes I have to tell myself it’s not worth the jail time.

Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters.

Some days I amaze myself. Today is not one of those days.

You couldn’t handle me. Even if I would come with instructions!

“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” – Ann Bancroft

Success is like being pregnant. Everyone says congratulations but nobody knows how many times you we’re fucked.

I’ve forgotten a lot of things in life. A meal has never been one of them.

Chin up darling, your tiara’s falling. It’s your birthday!

Do you want to make money from Facebook? It’s easy. Just go to your Account Setting, Deactivate your account, and go to work.

The biggest challenge in life is being yourself…in a world trying to make you like everyone else.

Friends knock on the door, true friends walk into your house and start eating.

A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

I'm not lazy, I'm just on save energy mode.

You’d have a big ego too, if you were as great as I am.

“We owe a lot to Thomas Edison – if it wasn’t for him, we’d be watching television by candlelight.” – Milton Berle

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.