Lifehack #321: Keep cake fresh by eating it in one sitting.

This week I was pulled over by a cop. He said, “Papers.” I said, “Scissors and I win.” Don’t think the cop found it funny.

“Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.” – Thomas Dewar

My dog is mad at me because they could smell another dog on my clothes.

It’s not easy to save money when you have a fat girl’s appetite and a rich person’s shopping mentality.

“Hair blowing in the wind, losing track of time, just you and I.” — Demi Lovato, “Made in the USA”

“Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us.” – Stephen Colbert

If you’re waiting for me to give a shit, you better pack a lunch. It’s going to be a while.

I’ve never been cool and I don’t really care about being cool. It’s just an awful lot of time and hair gel wasted

“I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.” – George Bernard Shaw

“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” – Albert Einstein

Husbands are the best people to share a secret with. They’ll never tell anyone because they aren’t even listening.

“My parents only had one argument in forty-five years. It lasted forty-three years.” – Calvin Trillin

Do you want to make money from Facebook? It’s easy. Just go to your Account Setting, Deactivate your account, and go to work.

The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.

“Cocaine is God’s way of telling you you are making too much money.” – Robin Williams

This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.