“Love is like a lot like a toothache. It doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” – George Burns

“I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.” – Steven Wright

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar

“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope

“I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” – Les Dawson

Don't count the years — make the years count.

You have to love yourself, first, before anyone else can love you

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

One day a man asked a genie to make him smarter than any other man on earth. The genie turned him into a woman.

Never let anyone treat you like a yellow Starbust. You are a pink starburst.

“The reason why people give up so fast is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, instead of how far they have come.” – Nicky Gumbel

It’s so beautifully arranged on the plate – you know someone’s fingers have been all over it.

“If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.” – Elvis Presley

A good friend knows all your best stories, a best friend has lived them with you.

How to please a woman: Love her. Die for her. Take her to dinner. Miss the game for her. Buy her jewelry. Be interested in what she has to say.
How to please a man: Show up naked. Bring beer.

How to please a man: Show up naked. Bring beer.

I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches, but then I realized it would be a waist of time

Got a new phone today, my old phone failed the swimming test.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.