“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” – Emma Bombeck

Bikini season is right around the corner. Unfortunately, so is the pizza place.

“Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.” – Joyce Brothers

If a dentist makes their money from unhealthy teeth, why would I trust a product 4/5 of them recommend?

Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously a girl because it won’t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas.

Dear Lord. Please give me some patience now, now, now.

“Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.” – Samuel Johnson

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example

“For a long and happy marriage, my advice to the groom is to always say, “okay, buy it!”

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

I’m not getting older, I’m just becoming a classic.

If I ever let my head down, it will be just to admire my shoes.

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.

When the bus driver starts driving before you even get to your seat.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.