“Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.” – Robert Louis Stevenson

Congrats on making it o-fish-ial. Now, there are two less fish in the sea.

Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay. Here are a coffee and a million dollars.”

There’s no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.

You cannot control whom your heart falls in love with, but it’s funny because you can decide whom to date.

He stole my heart so I’m planning revenge… I am going to take his last name.

We are born naked, hungry, and wet. Then things just get worse.

I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” – Emma Bombeck

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

If you hurt my friend I can make your death look like an accident.

What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing “k” instead of “ok”?

I tried to embrace my inner child today and the little asshole bit me.

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

That awkward moment when you're wearing Nikes and you can't do it.

Shutting the fuck up is gluten-free. Add that to your diet.

Grateful they're is okay being seen in public with me.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.