“Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.” – Joey Adams

I look at people sometimes and think ….. Really?? That’s the sperm that won.

We’re each responsible for the beauty we carry with us, ever day.

Brains are awesome. I wish everybody had one.

We can train a monkey to fly a jet but we can’t train a man to be humble.

A good place to put inspirational quotes is up to your ass.

Some days I amaze myself. Today is not one of those days.

“Friendship is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warm feeling inside.” – Robert Bloch

People say go big or go home like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah, I want to go home, and I’ll have a nap when I get there

Good morning beautiful! I hope I didn’t wake you and I’m sorry if I did but I just want to tell you that you’re an amazing and beautiful person and I hope you have a great day!

“Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the ‘gotta have it’ scale.” – Zig Ziglar

Gonna party like it's my birthday... oh wait, it is!

When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of an emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”.

“I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.” – George Bernard Shaw

“Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.” – Samuel Johnson

“I’m the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy.” – The Departed

“Hey don’t be sad! Because sad backwards is das—and das not good!”

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.