Marriage is like a good cardio workout. If it’s never challenging, you’re probably not doing it right.

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

I used to think I am indecisive. But now I am not sure!

Sometimes I have to tell myself it’s not worth the jail time.

If you’re waiting for me to give a shit, you better pack a lunch. It’s going to be a while.

“Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.” – Will Rogers

Behind every great woman is an even better friend to approve her selfies.

The plan is to market our original product as a new product that’s as good as the original.

It’s hard being the brain and the looks in the relationship, but I always pull through.

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

What did one snowman say to the other one? “Do you smell carrots?”

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches, but then I realized it would be a waist of time

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones… that’s why it’s called a cell phone

When your ex texts you after months, “Hey, what’s up?”. Not today Satan, not today.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.