Marriage is like a good cardio workout. If it’s never challenging, you’re probably not doing it right.

I’d like to thank Red Bull, Google, Vodka, and Wikipedia for my graduation.

I have everything in my purse you could possibly imagine except money.

There’ll be parties for hosting, cocktails for toasting, and caroling sung way out of key.

The plan is to market our original product as a new product that’s as good as the original.

If we learn from our mistakes, shouldn’t I try to make as many mistakes as possible?

Before you judge me, try walking a mile in my shoes so you can see how little I care and how good it feels to be a mile away from you.

“We owe a lot to Thomas Edison – if it wasn’t for him, we’d be watching television by candlelight.” – Milton Berle

A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken. – James Dent

The problem with a rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.

He stole my heart so I’m planning revenge… I am going to take his last name.

I`m jealous of my parents, I’ll never have a kid as cool as theirs.

Marriage is basically just whispering, “Are you awake? I need to show you this cat video.”

There’s very little advice in men’s magazines because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, “I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.

“For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end.” – Catherine Zeta-Jones

There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation.

Brains are an awesome tool. I wish everybody had one.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.