“Marriage is like an unfunny tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.” – Knocked Up

Never laugh at your wife’s choices, you are one of them.

Well, well, well. Look what finally decided to show up. Hello Friday!

Sometimes I have to tell myself it’s not worth the jail time.

“We owe a lot to Thomas Edison – if it wasn’t for him, we’d be watching television by candlelight.” – Milton Berle

You lost your phone and it’s on silent? Too bad, if you liked it, you should have put a ring on it.

He stole my heart so I’m planning revenge… I am going to take his last name.

“Love is like a lot like a toothache. It doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” – George Burns

I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

Webster’s dictionary defines wedding as “the fusing of two metals with a hot torch.” – Michael Scott

Best friends: Ready to die for each other, but will fight to the death over the last slice of pizza.

And then I thought to myself, “What’s the point of cleaning if my family is going to keep living here?”

 I know I'm a handful, but that's why you have two hands.

“Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.” – Samuel Johnson

The more you weight the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe eat cake.

BRB = I don’t want to talk to you. LOL = I have nothing else to say. Cool = I don’t care.

Don’t marry a man unless you would be proud to have a son exactly like him.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.