“Marriage is like an unfunny tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.” – Knocked Up

There are 100 billion nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

“Sports are the reason I am out of shape. I watch them all on TV.” – Thomas Sowell

Worrying about your followers, you need to get yo ur dollars up.

Wife: You told me you’d spend your whole life trying to make me happy.
Husband: I didn’t expect to live this long.

Facebook should have a limit on how many times you can change your relationship status. After 3 it should default to “Unstable”.

Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.

Don’t trust a man who offers you the moon and the stars… Cause God knows his arms can’t reach that far.

I don’t like to commit myself to heaven and hell. You see, I have friends in both places.

Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not strong enough. Funny enough. Smart enough.

What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing “k” instead of “ok”?

And to think I was considering ghosting you.

I was thinking of you and feeling fortunate that life brought us together and made “BEST FRIENDS”.

Just saw the most smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.

Gonna party like it's my birthday... oh wait, it is!

People say go big or go home like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah, I want to go home, and I’ll have a nap when I get there

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.