Marriage is where one person is always right and the other is the husband.

Mirror: you look amazing today. Camera: No, you don’t.

“We broke up for religious reasons—he believed he was God and I didn’t.”

He's not perfect, but at least he's not from my hometown.

I’m returning your nose dear, I found it in my business.

“The only time I feel light-hearted is when I’m on a plane at 33,000 feet.” – Robert Rivers

“Women hope men will change after marriage, but they don’t; men hope women won’t change, but they do.” – Bettina Arndt

I wish travel therapy was covered by my health insurance.

I know the voices in my head aren’t real. But sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!

“Bachelors have consciences, married men have wives.” – Samuel Johnson

Be a flat in a room full of stilettos

A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe. – Rita Rudner

“My parents only had one argument in forty-five years. It lasted forty-three years.” – Calvin Trillin

No girl will choose six-pack over six cars so stop going to the gym and go to work.

Love is the only kind of fire which is never covered by insurance.

The only difference between men and boys is the size of their shoes and the price of their toys.

The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.