My demons hide in my loudness. So if you don’t want the evil to come out, don’t shut me down in a very sarcastic manner.

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” – Prince Philip“

My mom – Why is everything in your room on the floor? Me – “Mom, don’t you understand concept of gravity?

‘You all worked really hard this year, I’m giving you all a check for $2,000. If you work the same next year, I’ll sign them’.

“Hey don’t be sad! Because sad backwards is das—and das not good!”

Need a friend? Text me. Need a laugh? Call me. Need money? This number is no longer in service.

Insecurities can make even the smartest and most beautiful person foolishly question themselves despite how amazing they truly are.

You never know what you have until you clean your room.

My boss asked me to roundup 17 employees pronto. So I said, “20.”

I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. He’s dreaming too.

“Soup is just a way of screwing you out of a meal.” — Jay Leno

Every 60 seconds, there’s a b-tch posting a positive message that she doesn’t live by.

I’m a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite remarkable.

I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.

There’s nothing more frustrating than dealing with a miniature version of yourself with the same shit-ass attitude.

Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.