“My parents only had one argument in forty-five years. It lasted forty-three years.” – Calvin Trillin

Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.

Thanks for not paying me back the money you owe me. Sure I want my money back but I would have paid more to prove what a scumbag you are.

if a redhead works at a bakery, does that make him a ginger bread man?

“When people tell me, ‘You’re gonna regret that in the morning,’ I just sleep until noon. I’m a problem solver.”

When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.

I walk around like everything is fine. But deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

I know the voices in my head aren’t real. But sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!

Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along!

I’d love to be a Pinterest mom. But it turns out I’m more of an Amazon Prime mom.

When your happiness is less important than the other person’s happiness, my friend you are in love.

The ideal man doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t swear, doesn’t get angry, doesn’t exist.

The relationship between husband and wife is very psychological. One is Psycho and the other is logical. Now please don’t try to figure out who is who.

Love is the only kind of fire which is never covered by insurance.

Funny how just when you think life can’t get any worse, it suddenly does.

Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six-hour argument takes talent.

I am a ninja. No, you are not. Did you see me do that? Do what? Exactly

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.