My wife and I always compromise. I admit I am wrong and she agrees with me.

Best friends. Because of anyone else heard our conversations we’d end up in the mental hospital.

Just pretend there’s a funny caption here, like this, and we’ll never speak of it again.

“Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.” – Joey Adams

I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror

‘You all worked really hard this year, I’m giving you all a check for $2,000. If you work the same next year, I’ll sign them’.

“Don’t you find it a little bit (of a) coincidence that the body fell perfectly within the chalk outline on the floor?”

Well, well, well. Look what finally decided to show up. Hello Friday!

And to think I was considering ghosting you.

Relationships are like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park.

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.

“Girl, you can’t get no infection in your booty hole! It’s a booty hole!” – Girls Trip

It’s not how good your work is, it’s how well you explain it.

Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when I’m with you!

I try not to work too many Sunday. At least, not Sunday nights. I like to call them Sunday Fundays.

That awkward moment when you see twins fighting and one of them calls the other ugly.

We’re going to make a cute old couple. At least I hope so because we’re not looking too great right now.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.