“Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.” – Erma Bombeck

5% of statistics are made up. Like this one

Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better

“You know… there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time – husband.” – Bill Maher

I know the voices in my head aren’t real. But sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!

The only thing worse than seeing something done wrong is seeing it done slowly.

“An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christie

Dear vegetarians, if you’re trying to save animals, then why are you eating their food?

“Woke up like this. (Because I fell asleep in this outfit and makeup.)”

“Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.” – Will Rogers

“You cannot soar with the eagles as long as you hang out with the turkeys.” – Joel Osteen

I’m not getting older, I’m just becoming a classic.

In the word of Marie Antoinette, “Let them eat cake.”

I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!

Shutting the fuck up is gluten-free. Add that to your diet.

Best friends. Because anyone else heard our conversations we’d end up in the mental hospital.

I look at people sometimes and think ….. Really?? That’s the sperm that won.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.