No point in holding onto what’s broken, so let’s live in the moment. When one door closes, another one opens. Stop trying to control it and start living in the moment

Webster’s dictionary defines wedding as “the fusing of two metals with a hot torch.” – Michael Scott

You’d have a big ego too, if you were as great as I am.

I’m actually not funny, I am just mean and people think I’m funny!

Finding friends with the same level of crazy is priceless.

There’s very little advice in men’s magazines because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, “I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.

“What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.” – Cindy Garner

“I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me?” – Meet the Parents

Anything that could possibly go wrong often does – as well as a thing or two that couldn’t possibly.

Marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you so they won’t eat all of yours.

“If you want a baby, have a new one. Don’t baby the old one.” –  Jessamyn West

Changed all my passwords to incorrect, then every time I forget my password, it says “your password is incorrect”.

Tell ’em to go out there with all they got and win just one for the Gipper.

My kids were all having fun and getting along, and that was the greatest 2 1/2 minutes of the entire summer.

When it comes to work, change is inevitable, except for the vending machine.

Every 60 seconds, there’s a b-tch posting a positive message that she doesn’t live by.

Time to drink champagne and dance on the tables.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.