One day a man asked a genie to make him smarter than any other man on earth. The genie turned him into a woman.

“People who are wrapped up in themselves make small packages.” – Benjamin Franklin

Sometimes one day changes everything; sometimes years change nothing

“It’s not a man-purse. It’s called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one.” – The Hangover

I choose a lazy person to do a hard job because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.

After gossiping about me, please pray for me. I want to be perfect just like you.

“I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.” – Steven Wright

Never let a man treat you like anything less than Beyoncé.

Thank you, Tinder. We didn’t meet on there but it definitely taught me who not to date.

When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.

“Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.” – Gary Busey

I’ve forgotten a lot of things in life. A meal has never been one of them.

“Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.” – Lily Tomlin

“For a long and happy marriage, my advice to the groom is to always say, “okay, buy it!”

My demons hide in my loudness. So if you don’t want the evil to come out, don’t shut me down in a very sarcastic manner.

He gave a great 10-minute business speech yesterday. The only problem was it took him an hour to deliver it.

There’s nothing more frustrating than dealing with a miniature version of yourself with the same shit-ass attitude.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.