Remember when you were better than me ?.. Ans: ya neither do I.

“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” – Albert Einstein

“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” – Zig Ziglar

We don’t have a company health plan but we do have a secretary in accounting who claims to be a faith healer.

You couldn’t handle me. Even if I would come with instructions!

“Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.” – Gary Busey

My friends are the family I chose. And I’ve regretted that choice ever since.

There should be a holiday dedicated to all the brave people who show up to work n Mondays.

“Marriage is like an unfunny tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.” – Knocked Up

My kids were all having fun and getting along, and that was the greatest 2 1/2 minutes of the entire summer.

It’s not about who would let me, it’s about who will stop me?

People trying too hard to be cool often end up becoming a joke

Sometimes I have to tell myself it’s not worth the jail time.

Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

I have two speeds. If you don’t like this one, you’re definitely not going to like the other one.

This week I was pulled over by a cop. He said, “Papers.” I said, “Scissors and I win.” Don’t think the cop found it funny.

Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously a girl because it won’t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.