See the bowtie? I wear it and I don’t care. That’s why it’s cool

The reason women will never be the ones to propose is that as soon as she gets on her knees, he will start unzipping. Men will be men.

“Would you destroy Something perfect in order to make it beautiful?” ― Gerard Way

Marriage is finding the person who puts up with your shit, admires your weird little ways, and still says they love you at the end of the day.

I try not to work too many Sunday. At least, not Sunday nights. I like to call them Sunday Fundays.

“Girl, you can’t get no infection in your booty hole! It’s a booty hole!” – Girls Trip

Math made simple. If you have $20 and your wife has $5, she has $25.

hat if I told you, you can eat without posting it on Instagram.

They say women speak 20,000 words a day. I have a daughter who gets that done by breakfast.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

Make sure to savor all your special moments, step outside of yourself, and bask in your own presence, while it’s still present.

People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world.

Going to bed early. Not going to a party. Not leaving my house. My childhood punishments have become my adult goals.

I’m actually not funny, I am just mean and people think I’m funny!

I may look calm, but in my mind, I have killed you three times.

How do you call a pig that does karate? Pork Chop

“For a guy with a four-digit IQ, I must have missed something.” – Limitless

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.