“Send in the rescue dogs (preferably the ones with kegs around their necks).”

Every day I fall in love with you more and more. Except for yesterday… yesterday you were pretty annoying.

Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better

Giving men marriage tips is a little like offering Vikings a free booklet titled ‘How not to Pillage’.

Lifehack #321: Keep cake fresh by eating it in one sitting.

“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.” – George Burns

Ask me again how wedding planning is going, I will beat you to death with my guest list.

Do I really look like a guy who spent the past hour trying to get the right lighting for this selfie? Of course not!

I’m at the point of parenting where “What did I just say?” could either be a threat or a genuine question.

How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She fits into your wife’s clothes

Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But that gets boring really fast. So I go back to being normal!

May you always have love in your hearts and beer in your belly.

“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.” – Amy Vanderbilt

“Luck is a dividend of sweat. The more you sweat, the luckier you get.” – Ray Kroc

I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.

“Life is like a ten-speed bike. Most of us have gears we never use.” – Charles M. Schulz

“Happen to things, don’t let things happen to you.” – Stephen Covey

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you got.

You know all those things you always wanted to do? You should go do them. 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it makes you happy.

Life is like a camera: you focus on what is important, capture the good times, develop from the negative and if things do not work out, take another shot.

There are a lot of adventures out there waiting for you to live them. 

Better to see something once than to hear about it hundred times.

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. 

The World is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.

To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the pleasantest sensations in the world.

We wander for distraction but we travel for fulfillment. 

The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.